I had everything i needed for each class, all of my homework!!! Geez! So i could turn the shit in and face reality, oh what fun. Not! -.- Once i reached school i just chunked my crap on the table and headed to the bookroom. I had to see if they had our Physics books yet! An they did! She gave me on since it was on my schedule for Physics I skipped back to the cafeteria and showed my book to Desiree who just got here. There here?! she asked, i saw three more on the floor better hurry up and go get it before someone takes them. She was off! By the time she got back it was time to go to 2nd period, now i'll be prepared for any homework he gives us this time. Even though the damn book made my bag bulky plus i couldnt close it since i had my binder in there.
2nd Period
This is where my emotionally state began.
I was happy to show Kargou i finally had the book,did the focus, then he passed back the test we took. I failed, like badly! Jacob had asked me what i got, i just covered my paper. I know i winged it on the test and i didnt remember shit but damn! I didnt expect to get this!!! Honestly i wanted to leave the room and cry my eyes out!! Because my throat felt tight and tears were swelling in my eyes, it hurt me that much. My body felt cold and i began to rock in my seat (like move back and forth or side to side; but i really only did this when i wasnt felling well and just held my stomach as i layed in bed or i was lost in thought and didnt noticed i was rocking) But i didnt get why i was gonna cry over this? I mean i could do corrections right?! But found out i couldnt and had to retake it before next Friday. I felt even more miserable then ever, then my doubt crawled to the front of my mind. An said: Your stupid. Honestly when that happens i feel so damn down that i cant do shit! An i just feel like crap! I honestly wanted Kargou to shut his face and say we could leave already because i didnt know how much longer i could hold it all in! But i had no choice because i had to deal with Bailey next.
Before 3rd Period
I rushed out of 2nd period, up the stairs (told Tiff i needed to talk to her later at lunch), to Baileys room and asked for the hall pass to the restroom. I had to wait cause Walt was taking forever ( because i held the tears back for such a long time, i didnt have to cry anymore but my throat still hurt like i wanted to) once i got in there i was like FUCK REALLY WALT!!!!! I told the other girl who was waiting to just go to another restroom this one was out of toilet paper, gosh i swear i feel like ive been an aired girl all week! I told the office that there wasnt any so they told me to take rolls from the other restroom and put it in the upstairs one. All that walking i did made me not wanna go anymore -.-
3rd Period
Once back in class they were finishing up the Do Nos and was about to give the vocab test out. So schemed the words and definitions really quick. Once i got the test i felt confidence flow in me!!! But dyed when i only remembered 3 out of 10 words, i failed that quiz! After that me and Jenesha had to read our poems then let the class ask us questions. It went by fast, then we took notes on college essays then figured out we would be working on college essays next week. Ugh!
4th Period
I told Mayra (the same thing i told Tiff on the stairs and Frane in the hall i think) i told her please dont ask me why. She said okay and asked if everything was okay. I said yes and no. Then i felt like more crap because i checked gradespeed, because of those quizzes (the one from last friday) for Bailey and that test for Kargou..my grade dropped so badly in those classrooms that my body felt colder then ever...my throat felt tighter again. An my doubt started to haunt me again. But i did get some good news out of it, Sister Mai did get my homework last night so no saturday school for me! All we did was take notes on a slide show for the next chapter.
Lunch
I told them the news finally about the apartment!! They were happy for me but i told them i wanted to talk to them about something else but i said it wasnt that important since i was feeling a little down. Frane got up and came to my side and told me to spill it already! I told her about my emotional moment, how doubt haunted me, and me failing two classes already and its only the 2nd week of school! Frane hugged me and said it would be okay. I was happy she carried, but would i really be alright? I noticed Takacs was walking around our lunch period doing nothing so i asked what was wrong. He told me his fish died (i knew he was joking) and i told him he would feel better once he got a new one. Then i noticed he kept pushing himself around the cafeteria on the bookcart..good gosh he really is bored! Then Frane & Mayra were jumping Tiff for her popcorn like crazy. See what happens when you bring valuable food to lunch, i told Tiff. Then she gave me the bag and i ran, basically i was cornered, so i gave the bag to Takacs and told him to run. But he was no help, he just grinned and gave it to Mayra. Before we left i got two pieces of gum from Desiree. I miss chewing gum (also two of the students from the senior class last year came to visit, Chris Reiny and Lloyd Bartley)
Before Homeroom
I gave Mrs. Davis the other stick of gum after Lloyd was done saying his good-bye. I took a deep sigh as i entered the room, but it was so quiet. I figured out why Mrs. G was here.
Homeroom
SCORE!!! Mrs. Gruesome wont act up now that Mrs.G is here ( i wonder how long she will stay) we worked liked always but this time i had to actually work because Mrs.G sat in the desk right behind me. I dont know why but i felt uneasy.
5th Period
Mrs.G was still here! We all worked, read the chapter, paid attention. But i didnt..i made sure i did the crap, copied the notes from Tiff for Sociology, after awhile Mrs.G left and i just read my book the rest of class.
7th Period
Glad i got the notes or i wouldve been screwed. We were talking about different people and what they discovered for sociology through-out the hole class. But when i went to the restroom and was about to head back to class a teacher & someone from the office said i havent been wearing the Parker pants since the beginning of school, she told me to promise her i would wear them. I said I would try. Then she was so demanding like No! You will! I official classified her as a psycho-path on pills. Went back to the from and just took notes til it was time to go.
Afterschool & Home
Desiree gave me a ride home and Dani a ride to the bus stop since my mom would be late getting me. I got home and indulged myself into my computer til i started texting people if they know of any good study habits. Cause i needed all the help i could get!!! I had a terrible memory (amnesia) already a high chance i have ADD & ADHD plus i already know im OCD at times :/ Thinking about all this made me feel crap again, i tried calling Dominique cause i need someone to talk to, then Kaity but she was at a football game with Rynette (who i havent seen in ages), then i asked Jenni if your on your :mother nature of the month" if your emotions get heightened and they do. I asked my mom about study habits then i thought if i dont get these grades up my mom will kill me! Just standing in front of her asking for advice for a failure like me made me feel like crap, she cant find out about my grades! The tears started swealing up again, once i got back to the other living room i couldnt take it anymore! Ive been holding back since 2nd period!!! I ran to the restroom and cried my eyes out, i tried not to cry to loud cause i didnt want my mom to worry. Some of those tears was because of hormones but i felt that the rest were all me and how i felt. I finally called my friend Kat (Katherine, a student that graduated from MCA last year) when i told her i was calling to let her know it was me cause she got a new phone then i told her of my emotionally break down. She gave me some advice, told me funny moment of what happened to her before i called, and told me not give up! Keep trying! I told her talking to her made me feel better and that i wouldnt give up! Just like Naruto! We both laughed on the phone. So i had to tell her bye cause she had to study and so did i. Once i was done talking to Kat i made flash cards of the words for Bailey then rewrote my test for Kargou. After all that my head started to hurt, guess its my eye sight again. Well i have a new study habit! Flash cards and rewrite the test, read it over, and say it out loud. Hope i study tom morrow, Night all~
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